


Road Kill

by htbthomas



Category: Pushing Daisies, Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Crossovering Exchange, Gen, Humor, Original Character Death(s), Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htbthomas/pseuds/htbthomas
Summary: Ned accidentally hits a guy with his car and kills him.  Maybe. It's kinda complicated, actually.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertScribe/gifts).



> Thank you to idelthoughts for the beta!

"Oh my god…" Ned whispers, his breath fogging the air. His hands, even covered with thick knitted gloves, are shaking. But it's for a completely different reason than the cold. "What do I do?"

"I don't know," Chuck says, looking up from checking the man's breathing and pulse. There had been none. Her voice is a hell of a lot more considering and calm than his. "He did stagger into your path. It's not like you killed him on purpose." 

"But I did kill him!" An edge is creeping into his voice, and why not? This is not the usual death-then-life-then-death-again-in-under-a-minute-unless-you-want-someone-else-to-die scenario he's become used to. There's no exchange here.

"You could always touch him." She leans down close, examining the body. The man's pseudo-Western attire doesn't look too bad. Except for the obvious tire tracks. "His injuries will heal with time."

"Chuck, I ran _over_ him. Like, completely. With my car."

"People get run over and survive."

"Okay, but you're stepping around the obvious here. If I touch him, then who's going to die in his place?"

Chuck gestures around at the desolate landscape. She doesn't say a word, but her expression is clear. There's nothing around for miles. They'd passed a town some distance back, when they got gas, but there hadn't been even a farmhouse since then. 

Ned sighs. It's not like he's ever tested the limits scientifically. There has always been someone close enough to pay the price. Maybe there's some bungalow built into the cliffside over there, or a couple camping in that stand of trees…

He looks down at the man again. They'll have to call for an ambulance no matter what. And then there'll be questions. And then they'll miss the competition in Calgary. But is some stupid competition worth someone's life? 

"You should do it," Chuck says. When he stands there indecisively for a minute, she adds softly, "I'm glad you did it for me."

His heart clenches. With pain, with love. It's all mixed together with Chuck, it always has been. He takes in a big gulp of air, the cold biting his lungs with a hundred pinpricks. Then he lets it out in a rush. "Okay."

He crouches down beside the body, removing one of his gloves and hovers his index finger over the man's scruffy face. Then he stops—is that—is that a car approaching?

Chuck hears it, too. They both turn toward the sound, the roar of a vehicle whose engine is being pushed to the limit. He stands quickly, replacing his glove and waving his arms frantically to get the driver's attention. It works. The car slows and pulls up beside them. A woman jumps out of the driver's side, her face worried. "What happened here?" 

"He just walked out in front of the car," Chuck explains before Ned can open his mouth. "We tried to swerve but it was too late." Her voice breaks a little. Man, she's getting good.

The woman nods sympathetically. "How bad is it—?" Then she sees the body. Her muscles go tense, and her hand twitches toward the enormous pistol strapped to her side. "Did you call 911?"

An odd reaction. She's expecting a fight. But not from Ned or Chuck. From the dead man.

"We were just about to—" Ned says.

"Don't worry about it," the woman tells him. "We're here now."

Ned and Chuck look at each other Ned takes a step toward Chuck… and away from the woman. "And you are…?"

Then a man gets out of the passenger side. "Is everything all right, Deputy Earp?"

Oh, great. The police. The deputy—did he say Earp?—turns back to her companion and says, her casual tone at odds with her tenseness, "Looks like an accident, Agent Dolls. Vehicular manslaughter."

Ned flinches. It's true but it doesn't have to be. If they'd only been five minutes later… "We are never getting to Calgary," Chuck murmurs at his shoulder. 

Agent Dolls studies the body gravely as well, but he radiates calm professionalism. Unlike his partner, who is shifting from foot to foot, the leather of her boots creaking with each step. He pulls on a set of gloves and then checks the pulse and evidence around the body. He and Earp murmur quietly over the body.

Are they going to be arrested? Held for questioning? Put on trial? The longer he stands there in the cold, the worse Ned's imaginings become.

Dolls stands and walks toward them. "Well, folks. I'm going to need to take your information…"

Ned closes his eyes, shoving his panic down. Chuck pulls closer, gripping his upper arm.

"...and then you can be on your way."

Ned's eyes fly open. "What?"

"The victim appears to have been suffering from multiple lacerations before he stumbled in front of your car. Unless you're admitting to doing that, too..." 

Ned and Chuck shake their heads vehemently.

"...then you're free to go afterward. I appreciate your cooperation."

Ned can't believe his luck. He just might make that competition after all, maybe even have a steak for dinner.

Then there's a low groan. And it isn't coming from Ned's stomach.

Earp skates back from the sound, drawing her massive gun, and Dolls has his pistol trained on the body so quickly that Ned never saw him reach for it. 

"Is he…" Chuck swallows. "...alive again?"

"I don't know," Ned says. "I didn't touch him, I didn't have time to!"

As they watch, the man pushes himself up to a sitting position, gazing around him blearily. He holds a hand to his stomach and groans again.

"Stay right there," Earp commands, gesturing with the barrel of her gun. Dolls silently takes another angle. 

The previously-dead-man's eyes focus on Earp. "Shit. First I barely make it out of a knife fight, then I get hit by a car, and now I gotta deal with the Heir." He pulls himself up on one knee. "I hate Thursdays."

"You're gonna be hating more than that if you don't stay put," Earp tells him.

"What?" He spits blood onto the pavement off to the side. "You don't got anything on me. I been a model citizen this go round."

"Except for the knife fight, I take it," Dolls drawls.

"I was jumped, I swear! I'm not even armed."

As they've been speaking, Ned finds himself slowly creeping toward the man, fascinated. He's been around a lot of people who've come back from the dead, but they've all been his own handiwork. This guy just… woke up somehow. Chuck is trying to tug him back, but he has to know more.

Dolls notices him, then. "Sir. You can get on your way. As you can see, he was merely stunned."

That man was _dead_. Ned knows it. And so do Dolls and Earp, even if they're pretending otherwise. But he's not going to look a gift corpse in the mouth. "K!" He gives everyone a grateful wave.

But of course, the former-car-accident-victim notices him, his face twisting in anger. "Hey! You're the fella that hit me with the car!" Then he lunges forward.

Without even thinking, Ned puts up his hands to fend off an attack, though it shouldn't matter. The guy's not alive because of him! The man gets Ned in a swift headlock, crowing, "Whatcha gonna do now, Heir?" His grotesque fingernails scrape against Ned's neck. "Shoot me with a hostag—?" His words choke off, and the arms stiffen.

"Not before, but you finally gave me a good reason to," Earp snarks. But she's frowning. 

So is Ned. The man is suddenly dead weight, dragging the both of them to the ground. Ned scrambles away as quickly as he can. The man lies there, mouth open, limbs in rigor mortis, eyes glazed in death. What the—?

Dolls checks the body again. "He's dead." Clearing his throat, he adds, "For real this time."

"But… how?" Earp asks.

Ned suspects how. The guy was dead, then alive, then dead again. Maybe it doesn't matter how it happened in the first place. 

"Are we still allowed to go?" Chuck asks.

Dolls waves at them distractedly, conferring quietly with Earp again.

"Yeah, um, okay," Ned says while Chuck pulls him toward the car. "Sorry—?" She yanks him inside.

When they're driving away, as fast as is legally possible, Ned looks in the rearview mirror. He thinks he sees flames leaping up from the pavement for a moment, but that can't be right. When he looks again, they're gone. 

He's gonna have the biggest steak on the menu.


End file.
